


If I Could Find You Now

by Samunderthelights



Series: HP Pop Punk Fest 2021 [12]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Don't copy to another site, Epistolary, Grief/Mourning, HP Pop Punk Fest 2021, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Remus Lupin, M/M, Post-Sirius Black's Death, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 16:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30058383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samunderthelights/pseuds/Samunderthelights
Summary: Remus writes Sirius a letter after his death.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: HP Pop Punk Fest 2021 [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2188743
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6
Collections: HP Pop Punk Fest 2021





	If I Could Find You Now

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [HP Pop Punk Fest](https://hppoppunkfest.tumblr.com/), and the song used for this story was 'Yellowcard - Ocean Avenue'.

_Dear Sirius,_

_Tonight I went back to the beach where we spent all those nights talking. Where you first kissed me and told me you loved me. We were just kids, weren’t we? We didn’t have a clue. But it felt so right, being there with you._

_It felt different tonight, although I’m sure the beach hasn’t changed since we were last there. It felt wrong somehow, like something was missing._

_You were missing._

_Perhaps I was hoping I would find you there. Perhaps I was hoping it would make things better._

_But you weren’t there, and the beach isn’t ours anymore. Just like the bakery isn’t ours, or that spot in the park. None of those places feel the same. Not without you there._

_I can’t help but wonder if things would be different if I hadn’t told you goodbye that summer. If I hadn’t told you that it was over. If I had given things another chance. Would you have been at home with me the night they were killed? Would we have gotten more time together? Would you be here right now?_

_Did I do this to you? Did I kill you?_

_You’re still with me when I close my eyes – you’re in my dreams – and it gets me by. But with every day that goes by, the pain grows worse. I fear that soon these dreams won’t be enough anymore. I want you here with me. Or perhaps I want to be there with you. Somehow, someday I know I’ll see you again. Until then, I’ll keep searching, hoping to find a part of you somewhere._

_Perhaps somehow we can have one more night._

_We could leave and run forever._

_Forever yours,_

_Remus_

**Author's Note:**

> [You can find me on Tumblr! ❤️](http://samunderthelights.tumblr.com/)


End file.
